🏔️ BEHOLD, THE MOST MAJESTIC MOUNTAIN RIDGE SHIRT EVER BESTOWED UPON FLAT-LANDERS!

Introducing our mountain ridge masterpiece - because nothing says "I once saw a topographic map" quite like wearing an entire mountain range across your chest! This isn't just a shirt - it's a TOPOGRAPHIC TRIUMPH woven from threads of pure elevation (and 60/40 cotton/polyester because we respect gravity). Each ridge line was carefully designed by artists who've definitely seen a mountain... in pictures.

Features so magnificent they'll make your local hill feel like a speed bump:

* A collar so comfortable, it'll make your $400 GPS device feel like a paper map from 1982

* Side seams engineered by altitude-obsessed scientists to withstand the intense pressure of explaining why you need "just one more piece of ultralight gear"

* Shrinks less than your confidence when you realize that "quick day hike" is actually a class 4 scramble (5% max)

* Tear-away label because real mountain folk don't need instructions on which way is up

* Lightweight at 4.3 oz/yd² - perfect for bragging about counting ounces while eating an entire pizza

WARNING: This shirt is so powerful it may cause chronic symptoms including pointing out "false summits" in parking lots, calculating elevation gain on mall escalators, and spontaneously yelling "RIDGE LINE!" at pigeons.

Scientifically proven to be 1,473% more effective at making you look outdoorsy than your beard that you started growing "for warmth." Each shirt comes with a certificate of authenticity guaranteeing at least 82 conversations about how "the view is better up there" and "you should've seen the weather roll in."

Note: If wearing this shirt doesn't immediately cause you to start explaining the difference between a col and a saddle to confused family members, you're probably wearing it wrong. Or maybe you should stick to beach vacations - at least sand doesn't require supplemental oxygen.